CarnivalAskew

There are 2 billion emerging rich in China and India who care about the environment as much as I care for brussel sprouts. There are industry lobby groups and Australian governments and swift boats and this hanging Chad guy all standing in the way of the little guy wanting to do the right thing.

Mr. Gore: my question is this: What message of hope can you offer to a down-and-out, cynical young man, that everything is going to be ok and that my efforts to fix things for my generation won’t be trampled by those more powerful and wealthy and numerous than me?

And followup question, what was it like for Al Gore to touch Bill Clinton?

That was the question I was supposed to ask at Al Gore’s press conference for his recent documentary, An Inconvenient Truth. Have it all prepared, written on a nice little sheet of paper, somehow jump in at the right time and ask it. Sound so witty, so intelligent, that Al Gore is wowed by my goodness, invites me to lunch, and then asks me to join his super-alliance that will one day save the world and put me right up there with Kofi and Boutros.

Forget all those jokes about Chuck Norris…. If you truly want to see a celebrity kick some ass, look no further than Al Gore with 16 optimistic young kids, and one cynical youngish Chinaman, who are allowed to ask Al Gore pre-prepared questions for about 15 minutes.

Here’s what I don’t get. Why are you trying to antagonize the man who was intimately involved in the most complex political system in the world? What makes you think you can win? Do you really think you’re gonna take him down or trip him up? Why try to ask all these hard hitting questions and just not try to chat with the guy for who he is and get something constructive out of the interview? When the most senior journalist in the room trying to antagonize one of the most skilled politicians of our time who ran for fucking president is that chick from Hack on JJJ, who do you think is going to win? A bunch of student journalists, or the man with the chainsaw and meat hooks?

I’ll tell you who will win. His name is Al-the-motherfucking-Gore.

This man took on the American Presidency. He was the second most powerful man in the world. He got NAFTA passed. Balanced the Federal Budget. Pushed for Kyoto. What do you say to him? How do you come across sounding like a witty, intelligent guy when you can barely keep the drool out of your mouth long enough to string two coherent sentences together? Answer: you don’t. You jump into the media frenzy all commando-style at just the right time so your voice is heard, everyone shuts up, and Al’s attention is completely directed at you. You pull out your little sheet of paper, and?

And nothing. You flub it.

See, here’s my problem. Just as I get overwhelmed by a great set of legs and beautiful smile, I got overwhelmed by the Gore-ster’s awesomeness. I have all these wicked ideas of things that I wanna say and then when push comes to shove, I just can’t do it. Like the time I tried to ask this girl out at work.

So this time will be different. It’s always different this time. Let that Triple J chick ask the question first. Something about Apple computers and conflict of interest and Greenpeace? Jesus. What, you think he’s gonna say “Here, little girl, to placate you I’ll sell my 25 million in stock.” The man took her down like Chinatown.

Things were getting tricky. Questions were coming quicker and you could tell the whole conference was about 2 minutes away from becoming a shouting match. I managed to speak up loud enough to get Al to look my way as soon as that cute high school girl finished asking her question about Nuclear Power.

Me: You know, so um, you said grassroots, right? Um. How can we do anything with Chads and Swift Boats and stuff? Australian Government? Not fair. Everyone is powerful. Squish me they you I. Bill good?

Reminds me of Bart asking Burns to be his heir. Hello, Mr... Kurns. I bad want... money now. Me sick.

I wish I was dead, or, at the very least, a hot 18 year old blonde girl with a question about the environment.

Oh right. Almost forgot. The movie itself.

The trouble with movie reviews in general is that they are always one guy with one opinion trying to convince a bunch of other guys with equal and no less unimportant opinions that his opinion is right, and should be listened to. This is difficult at the best of times. I remember a movie reviewer gave Mortal Kombat 2 stars back in the 1990’s, which got me mad enough to call the paper up and complain about what a hack he was, because anyone who couldn’t see how ass-kicking Sub-Zero was didn’t deserve to live. But I digress. An Inconvenient Truth.

An Inconvenient Truth takes this anecdote, and the point that I was trying to make with it, to an extreme. A review on a political movie bringing forth facts from a man whose fan base is heavily skewed in one direction will never be agreed upon. At the end of the day, all I can really do is talk about what I saw, how I felt about it, and let the left-wing pinkos and the right-wing yobbos say whatever they feel like saying.

And, for the record, Sub-Zero always wins. Fatality.

In what is essentially a 95 minute Powerpoint presentation that should by all rights bore us to tears, director Davis Guggenheim manages to keep the audience engaged, interested, and, quite frankly, scared stiff about the state of the environment and the dangers of Global Warming.

It is a testament to the power of the facts themselves when a movie laid out with very little window dressing can keep an audience engaged. Guggenheim takes his direction lessons from the Asano Tadonobu school of Minimalism, essentially pointing the camera at the star, Al Gore, while he gives his talk. Moreover, Gore, who has never been known for his charm and charisma, comes across as affable, courteous, and dedicated with the goal of delivering a very simple message. The facts are laid out very effectively, with Gore starting with Global Warming 101 and then moving right into the effects our industry has had on the planet. Gore’s talk is interspersed with small anecdotes describing everything from why he got into global warming in the first place to his take on the 2000 election.
The facts themselves, presented in slideshow format, could quite easily have been made to bore as easily as any of the hundreds of university lectures that have been given over the years. Instead the audience is interested, scared, and wondering why the heck this guy wasn’t elected in the first place. Gore is very convincing and leaves little doubt in the audience’s mind about the reality of global warming by the end of the film.

Regardless of whether or not you believe the facts or love or hate Al Gore, An Inconvenient Truth is nonetheless an engaging and thought provoking documentary that deserves to be seen.